I haven't written on here for awhile! Something I want to say is THANK YOU for all of the love and support you have all shown me. It has meant so much!!! I loved all the facebook messages, comments, letters, texts, phone calls, hospital visits and prayers. I kept hearing people say they were putting my name in the temple and all of these things did help me get through the last few months. I'm very close to being back to normal and it feels SO GOOD!!! Here are some updates.
The most recent thing was I found out I can drive again, after 3.5 months of not driving I'm a little rusty:) I found out on Wednesday so on Thursday I drove to work, we thought it'd be safer/easier for me to drive the Rogue since it's an automatic...well we were wrong! It has a super sensitive gas and brake pedals so I kept revving it and then when I pushed the brake it was jerky. It scared me because I felt I did terrible and wasn't safe. But the next day we tried driving my Mirage and even though it is a stick shift, I did much better. It doesn't have quite as sensitive pedals so even though my legs are still shaky I'm still able to control the breaks and acceleration much better. My legs are doing so much better, it feels so wonderful! But when I do drive I have my feet in the air and if my feet aren't touching the ground at all they do shake more. I'm still building up my strength and working on my control. Driving and practicing is definitely helping with that. However, I am not driving by myself yet, Keith is still coming along.
The first time I played tennis was on the 4th of July and I went today for the second time. Keith said I did tons better. I guess on the 4th I looked like I was about to fall and I was only able to do short-court. Today I was moving better and I was able to back up and play the entire court. I was hitting much better but as I played longer you could tell I was getting tired because the ball was going into the net and hitting the fence more. I did try serving, I had to shorten my swing because I couldn't do the full swing, but I got two in! The improvements have been so fast, it's only been a little over 3 weeks since we did that for the first time.
I do wish that I had documented more of what I was feeling through all of this though, but I'm so proud and happy that I'm almost completely on the other side of this whole thing. I do like to talk about it, I don't think Keith does though. He says it wasn't a pleasant experience, but to me it's that I've made it, almost. When just out of the hospital I remember waking up in the middle of the night screaming because I kept having nightmares and it would take awhile for me to calm down, that was so hard because sleep is so important when healing. I remember having Keith help me shower, wash my hair, dry and straighten my hair, doing my mascara, helping me in and out of bed, getting milk in the middle of the night, pushing me in my wheelchair, helping me in the bathroom, getting every meal ready for me and feeding me, making sure I got all of my meds, going to therapy, making sure I was comfortable, and being patient with me when I was frustrated.
Something I have to mention is how much help the people in the Branch and friends around here have been! They would come stay with me when I couldn't be by myself, they drove me to therapy, would get me out of the apartment, push me around the complex in my wheelchair, and bringing meals. They all were wonderful! I loved having so many visits because it helped keep my spirits up.
I like to think even about the hospital and all the wonderful nurses I had, they were so patient with me even when we didn't know what was going on with my legs. They would care for me and sit and talk with me and try to get me to relax. My therapists were amazing as well, my physical therapist would have me doing the craziest things, after trying to do a Yoga pose and struggling I remember her saying, I think the only thing we can do is wait for your brain to heal. But overall I'm very proud of all that I did in therapy, it was never painful so I'm sure that helped (mentally it was sometimes painful and frustrating though). I loved skipping, rolling over the an exercise ball and holding myself up, jumping on a mini trampoline and throwing tennis balls at another trampoline and catching them, doing all the Yoga poses, playing catch, playing soccer, trying to balance on various objects, and trying to do all the hard things with the exercise ball. I was always worn out after therapy and would have to take a nap. I've now started my last rehab, cardiac rehab. I have to wear a heart monitor and they're just helping me get my heart stronger and making sure it is functioning properly.
Another exciting event that happened was we bought a house! We move in, in about 3 weeks. We are very excited for that but will miss our apartment.
I also went to girl's camp two evenings this week. It was fun, I have a new calling as a counselor in the Young Women's presidency. It was really fun to go spend time with the girls and play Big Booty (which I somehow won)!
I've been back to work about a month now and fortunately I have been able to remember how to do everything, for the most part. My typing has improved immensely. It feels so good to be back to a regular schedule and being back to what is normal to me. I don't think I will ever take for granted being able to work, talk, walk, run, play tennis, pretty much everything I wasn't able to do. I recently read an article on ksl.com about a man who had open heart surgery as well, but he actually did experience a real stroke during his surgery. The article was about not taking things for granted. This man had lost his job because he couldn't type, he had no fine motor skills, what he did say was only understood about 30% of the time. Can you imagine living in a world where you'd feel so alone, he can't be understood, he can't even type or do sign language to try and be able to have a conversation, to feel so alone would be terrible. His life has been like this for 4 years now and my heart goes out to him. I feel so blessed for how fast I've recovered and know my circumstances could have been so much worse.
I've never thought of my heart condition as being a trial because it was life, I didn't know anything different. Every few years I would go and have surgery and then would recover fine, never has something like this happened that I know of. Fortunately my surgeon did an amazing job and he made my hole on my chest disappear. I used to have a hole where scar tissue was sticking to and it pulled my skin in, it is now gone because my surgeon put some mesh inside of me to help prevent the scar tissue sticking to bones and skin. When they did go in they did find that my heart was stuck to my sternum. Then having to go back into surgery because the scar tissue had left wholes in my lungs. I know that I can do hard things and it makes me feel so happy to know I did it. I'm so grateful for all of the support and love I've felt and I know all of your prayers have been answered.
This post was written much faster than the last :)
