The Long and the Short of it: 2013

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Update

I haven't written on here for awhile! Something I want to say is THANK YOU for all of the love and support you have all shown me. It has meant so much!!! I loved all the facebook messages, comments, letters, texts, phone calls, hospital visits and prayers. I kept hearing people say they were putting my name in the temple and all of these things did help me get through the last few months. I'm very close to being back to normal and it feels SO GOOD!!! Here are some updates.

The most recent thing was I found out I can drive again, after 3.5 months of not driving I'm a little rusty:) I found out on Wednesday so on Thursday I drove to work, we thought it'd be safer/easier for me to drive the Rogue since it's an automatic...well we were wrong! It has a super sensitive gas and brake pedals so I kept revving it and then when I pushed the brake it was jerky. It scared me because I felt I did terrible and wasn't safe. But the next day we tried driving my Mirage and even though it is a stick shift, I did much better. It doesn't have quite as sensitive pedals so even though my legs are still shaky I'm still able to control the breaks and acceleration much better. My legs are doing so much better, it feels so wonderful! But when I do drive I have my feet in the air and if my feet aren't touching the ground at all they do shake more. I'm still building up my strength and working on my control. Driving and practicing is definitely helping with that. However, I am not driving by myself yet, Keith is still coming along.

The first time I played tennis was on the 4th of July and I went today for the second time. Keith said I did tons better. I guess on the 4th I looked like I was about to fall and I was only able to do short-court. Today I was moving better and I was able to back up and play the entire court. I was hitting much better but as I played longer you could tell I was getting tired because the ball was going into the net and hitting the fence more. I did try serving, I had to shorten my swing because I couldn't do the full swing, but I got two in! The improvements have been so fast, it's only been a little over 3 weeks since we did that for the first time.

I do wish that I had documented more of what I was feeling through all of this though, but I'm so proud and happy that I'm almost completely on the other side of this whole thing. I do like to talk about it, I don't think Keith does though. He says it wasn't a pleasant experience, but to me it's that I've made it, almost. When just out of the hospital I remember waking up in the middle of the night screaming because I kept having nightmares and it would take awhile for me to calm down, that was so hard because sleep is so important when healing. I remember having Keith help me shower, wash my hair, dry and straighten my hair, doing my mascara, helping me in and out of bed, getting milk in the middle of the night, pushing me in my wheelchair, helping me in the bathroom, getting every meal ready for me and feeding me, making sure I got all of my meds, going to therapy, making sure I was comfortable, and being patient with me when I was frustrated.

Something I have to mention is how much help the people in the Branch and friends around here have been! They would come stay with me when I couldn't be by myself, they drove me to therapy, would get me out of the apartment, push me around the complex in my wheelchair, and bringing meals. They all were wonderful! I loved having so many visits because it helped keep my spirits up.

I like to think even about the hospital and all the wonderful nurses I had, they were so patient with me even when we didn't know what was going on with my legs. They would care for me and sit and talk with me and try to get me to relax. My therapists were amazing as well, my physical therapist would have me doing the craziest things, after trying to do a Yoga pose and struggling I remember her saying, I think the only thing we can do is wait for your brain to heal. But overall I'm very proud of all that I did in therapy, it was never painful so I'm sure that helped (mentally it was sometimes painful and frustrating though). I loved skipping, rolling over the an exercise ball and holding myself up, jumping on a mini trampoline and throwing tennis balls at another trampoline and catching them, doing all the Yoga poses, playing catch, playing soccer, trying to balance on various objects, and trying to do all the hard things with the exercise ball. I was always worn out after therapy and would have to take a nap. I've now started my last rehab, cardiac rehab. I have to wear a heart monitor and they're just helping me get my heart stronger and making sure it is functioning properly.

Another exciting event that happened was we bought a house! We move in, in about 3 weeks. We are very excited for that but will miss our apartment.

I also went to girl's camp two evenings this week. It was fun, I have a new calling as a counselor in the Young Women's presidency. It was really fun to go spend time with the girls and play Big Booty (which I somehow won)!

I've been back to work about a month now and fortunately I have been able to remember how to do everything, for the most part. My typing has improved immensely. It feels so good to be back to a regular schedule and being back to what is normal to me. I don't think I will ever take for granted being able to work, talk, walk, run, play tennis, pretty much everything I wasn't able to do. I recently read an article on ksl.com about a man who had open heart surgery as well, but he actually did experience a real stroke during his surgery. The article was about not taking things for granted. This man had lost his job because he couldn't type, he had no fine motor skills, what he did say was only understood about 30% of the time. Can you imagine living in a world where you'd feel so alone, he can't be understood, he can't even type or do sign language to try and be able to have a conversation, to feel so alone would be terrible. His life has been like this for 4 years now and my heart goes out to him. I feel so blessed for how fast I've recovered and know my circumstances could have been so much worse.

I've never thought of my heart condition as being a trial because it was life, I didn't know anything different. Every few years I would go and have surgery and then would recover fine, never has something like this happened that I know of. Fortunately my surgeon did an amazing job and he made my hole on my chest disappear. I used to have a hole where scar tissue was sticking to and it pulled my skin in, it is now gone because my surgeon put some mesh inside of me to help prevent the scar tissue sticking to bones and skin. When they did go in they did find that my heart was stuck to my sternum. Then having to go back into surgery because the scar tissue had left wholes in my lungs. I know that I can do hard things and it makes me feel so happy to know I did it. I'm so grateful for all of the support and love I've felt and I know all of your prayers have been answered.

This post was written much faster than the last :)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Hospital Stay

This is going to take awhile because I'm still not good at typing. But I want to write some things before I forget them. Most of you know from Keith's posts a little of what happened. But you don't know everything. I absolutely hated the hospital stay which lasted almost 2 weeks, 2 days shy. Fortunately I begged the doctors and they surprisingly let me go! I was so happy!!! I don't remember my first 5 days in the hospital at all because I was sedated, so it was definitely a surprise to wake up and find out it was Sunday.

A few days later I lost control of my legs for about 3 days. This was terrible! I wasn't sleeping much and my legs were exhausted and sore. They wouldn't stop kicking and thrashing. Keith would have to hold them almost constantly, and without sleep he was very tired as well. I had to see a Neurologist and after a priesthood blessing I was given some medicine for them that got them to rest. It was wonderful! This is after pulling an IV out and almost kicking my chest tube box, which scared the poop out of me! I got my first 3 chest tubes out pretty fast but the last one didn't come out as soon as I would have liked. I actually got very angry with my doctors, I wanted to be flown to Primary Children's Hospital and I wanted Janeen to come out and help get my legs under control because I thought my doctors weren't doing enough to help me. I at one point thought I was addicted to my meds even. And of course I wanted my last chest tube removed and I thought they wanted to torture me and not take it out, crazy train anyone? So yeah, I had a little anxiety in the hospital to say the least. Funny thing is the med I'm on for my involuntary movement is most commonly used for people who have schizophrenia. Also, the Neurologist wanted me to have a MRI, those are not fun at all. And it definitely didn't help that I had my pacemaker turned off for 2 hours. What we found out from that was during one of my surgeries I had a mini-stroke. That is what caused me to lose control of my legs. I actually thought I'd broken my foot because in the hospital I was given moon-boots, very padded boots for my feet and I kicked one off and I heard something pop. My one foot was very sore for a couple of weeks (fortunately it was a bruised tendon).

Now my hands and legs twitch, and my speech isn't that great. But I'm in physical, occupational, and speech therapy and I'm improving fast they say, not fast enough for me though.

After getting out of the hospital about a week I went to the doctor and had a temperature and found I had pneumonia and had to take a trip to Milwaukee. They were also afraid of infection in my blood so I had to get blood cultures, again not fun. Doesn't help I HATE needles.

Going into surgery I wanted the Ross Procedure but during the surgery my surgeon, Dr. Twedell, decided I could never go through another surgery like that because of all of the scar tissue so he decided to put a Mechanical valve in. Which means blood thinners for the rest of my life. :( good thing is I will never have to go through that again which I'm thankful for! Bad thing is I can hear it clicking and blood thinners!

So there it is, some things I'm proud of in therapy to let you have an idea of what a pathetic state I'm in are: skipping, balancing on one leg for 40 seconds, jumping on a mini-trampoline and getting air, playing ping pong (loved that), tight-rope walk, grapevine/braid, and my speech sucks still, but I'm trying to stay positive and know I'm improving. I sound like a 5-yr old, and write like one too! But my typing is up to 32 wpm! Please continue praying this will pass and I'll get better asap! I have no patience:)

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Gus

Today was a hard day and one that Keith has been dreading for awhile. Gus went to heaven. About a week or two before Keith and I went to Utah Gus had been sick and my Mom took him to the vet and found he had a urinary infection and we received some medicine for him and the first meds he went home with he had an allergic reaction from so my Mom had to go back and get different ones. We were worried about his health but I felt reassured that everything was fine and he was feeling better. Keith told me I should probably say my goodbyes to him while in Utah but I didn't think that was needed because he seemed so normal and fine.

While we were in Utah Gus was happy and acted normal. I had done some research online before the trip about Shelties and found that it is common for them to turn in circles, not chasing their tail, but it was a way for them to express their happiness. When we were at home he did that frequently and it made me happy knowing he was so happy to be with me. We used to always think it was silly of him and he was just chasing his tail. I had told some of my coworkers about Gus and one of them had asked me to take pictures and video of him doing his tricks, and so I did. I am so glad I did because who knew a little over a week after leaving he'd be gone. I would stay up each night while in Utah and just pet him and hug him. My parents always teased me that I loved Gus more than them because when we'd skype I'd always want to see Gus and say how much I missed him. It's hard with a pet because he can't talk and I don't know if he recognized me on the computer screen. When we first skyped he wouldn't even look at the screen but he had more recently started looking at it.

Soon after we left Utah Gus started being sick again and my Mom again took him to the vet. Gus was dehydrated and they hooked him up to an IV and had him stay overnight at the vets. The next day my parents took Gus to Logan to another vet for an ultrasound (yesterday). Yesterday was also my Mom's birthday. She took him up and the vet was impressed with Gus because she didn't have to sedate him or drug him up to do the ultrasound. She also thought he was a beautiful dog and couldn't believe he was so sick. What the ultrasound showed was that Gus had growths all over his body, the vet didn't even dare take a blood sample because she was worried his blood wouldn't coagulate and he'd die right there. She said it wouldn't be worth to operate because it was everywhere. She told my Mom that he has been in a lot of pain and has been for awhile and that he must have a high pain tolerance. We had no idea, Gus always seemed fine and normal until recently. He hadn't eaten or drank anything all week other than the IV but the vet gave him some medicine so he'd be comfortable and out of pain the last night at home. My Mom brought him back home and pretty much held him the rest of the night. She was able to skype with me and I was able to say goodbye to him. He looked content in her arms but didn't really react to anything. It was hard to say goodbye but I knew he'd have to be put down today. RIP Gus, I miss you!

Keith has recommended I write about the good times with Gus, which is all the time. It's kind of embarrassing how hard I'm taking this being an adult and all but Gus was part of the family to me. My parents decided to get a dog soon after Elizabeth Smart was abducted, he was to help keep me company and to protect me (he doesn't look too fierce but he would've protected me). My parents picked him out (I didn't go along), and I had decided that his name was Gus if he was a boy and Zoe if he'd been a girl. I came up with the name Gus from the fat mouse in Cinderella (my favorite Disney movie). My parents picked him, I guess he was the runt of the litter but they liked his coloring and his nose (we ended up being in puppy school with one of Gus' brothers and Gus was much cuter). Gus has always been a very smart, well-behaved dog. He did like to pee on my neighbor as a puppy but he grew out of that. He also liked to bark at the doorbell and the phone ringing, but he was doing his job, protecting us. High School were some rough years for me and Gus was my best friend during them. He would follow me around the house and would just lie near where I was. I remember he used to like to "sing" while I played the flute, it was so cute and funny. I loved taking Gus for walks down the driveway and getting the mail with him. I especially loved taking Gus out to the garden to keep me company. I would sneak him raspberries because he loved them! I had to make sure Mom wasn't looking. One day I had gotten a Carmello candy bar from somewhere and had put it on my bed, I came in later to find that Gus had jumped up on my bed and eaten all of it. We were so worried he was going to die because chocolate isn't good for dogs, fortunately he was fine. He was the most cuddly dog, I loved carrying him around because he'd set his head on your shoulder. I liked to put him in front of the mirror, I don't think he enjoyed it. I remember him sitting at my feet or by my bed or at my bedroom door, being a little watch dog. He was very smart, he knew to stay off the wood floor, stay on the grass, to tell us when he needed to go potty, play dead, rollover, take his food on command, shake, etc. He never was interested in fetch, but that's ok. When he was younger I liked to get him wound up and he'd start running all over and making funny noises. Gus was a shy dog and didn't enjoy sleeping anywhere but his crate. I would try and get him to sleep with me in my room but he would always sneak out or whine at the door to get out. He liked being able to roam and be able to keep an eye on everyone. He loved walking around the island in our kitchen. Whenever I'd come home he'd get so excited and wag his tail like crazy. He especially loved getting petted on his rump, he'd do a little dance and wag his tail. Sometimes I would be laying by him and he'd put his head under my hand so I'd keep/start petting him. He was so cuddly and comforting. It's really a blessing he was so happy while we were in Utah and I didn't have to see him being sick.

Some of the names I liked to call Gus was: Gus Gus, Gussy, Gus-a-luf-a-Gus, Gussy roo poo, and Gussers. Gus loved to please us and he was very loyal. The last day we were in Utah he really started barking and going after the UPS man that came to our door, at the time we were a little annoyed he wouldn't settle down but now looking back it was kind of ironic that he was in so much pain but he was not going to let that UPS guy hurt us. He was such a good dog. Gus didn't really like to ride in the car, he was very much a home body. I didn't really say my goodbyes to him because I didn't believe it was going to be the last time I'd see him, I wish I had. But I love him and miss him like crazy. He was the best dog. I'm so grateful to have had him as a companion and that he is now out of pain and in a better place. Gus will forever be in my heart. Love you Gussy.

Here are a bunch of pics and a couple of videos of Gus Gus.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Holidays in the Frozen Tundra

I must stick to my New Year's goal of writing a blog post at least once a month, and January is almost over. Sadly I don't have many pictures for this post but there should be some for next month because we will be going to Utah in a week and will take lots of pictures.

We've kept ourselves busy the past two months between birthdays, anniversaries, the holidays, and work. Keith planned a surprise birthday party for me and we were able to get together with some friends and enjoy some cake and ice cream. It was funny because some friends had arrived and we didn't have icing on the cake and Keith was going to make the icing while we were sitting on the couch talking. After a few minutes Keith was like umm our hand mixer is broker...and my cute 7-month pregnant friend and her husband started trying to mix the icing by hand and Keith kept telling them to not worry about it and that we could sing and blow the candles out, open presents and then we'll worry about the icing. After a lot of convincing we did that, we put the candles in an icing-less birthday cake and everyone sang and I blew them out. We then opened presents which consisted of cute clothes from my parents, a mini rolling pin, a snow tube, letters from Grandparents, AND a brand new hand mixer! Keith had realized the hand mixer had died about a week before and so he knew the whole time and had it all planned.

We did get to ice the cake and Abi and Jayce (some of the kiddos that came) helped me decorate it with sprinkles, it was a masterpiece of 5 different colors of sprinkles mixed together and probably 3x more than needed, but the kids loved it and I didn't care what the cake looked like--sadly we don't have a pic...

After the party we went to the Botanical Gardens in Green Bay. In the winter it is a Christmas light display that you can walk around, fortunately there weren't too many people. One of our favorite activities in December was driving around looking at Christmas lights.

For our 3-year anniversary Keith and I went to one of our favorite restaurants around here, Chives. It was amazing, like usual! We usually don't get desserts when we eat out but we love the Creme Brulee, so good!

It's crazy that it has already been a month since Christmas (time goes by so fast). We had a great Christmas together just the two of us. We were able to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner with friends from the Branch. Some of the gifts Keith received were gloves, scarf, luggage, belt, clothes, a giftcard, a PS3 game, and a snow tube. Some of the gift I received were clothes, hat, and a Bosch mixer! It was pretty exciting, and I need to start cooking more now that I have all of these amazing cooking tools.

New Year's Eve we spend with some friends from the Branch (same ones we had Christmas dinner with). We played games and had yummy food. It was a lot of fun! We ended up heading home shortly after midnight and it had been pretty cold that night. When we got into the Rogue I realized that the frost on the window was actually on the inside of the glass, not the outside. I told Keith that and even scratched some of it so he could see, I could tell he was confused and he sat there for a few seconds with a confused look and then grabbed the window scraper and said I'm going to go out and scrape the windows...I couldn't stop laughing. Fortunately I didn't let him go out and try that so we sat in the car with the heat on full blast for a few minutes. That probably doesn't seem as funny reading it, maybe it was one of those instances where you had to be there :).

Some fun things I've done with friends was I've gotten my first pedicure and first nail shellac. I am in love with them both, but the shellac is AMAZING! I love it. Since both Keith and I both received a tube we have gone tubing a few times at a nearby park where there is a man-made hill (I miss mountains) which has been a lot of fun!

Keith and I babysat for some friends from the Branch who have an 8-month old and a 2-year old. Wow we were amazed at how oblivious we are about babies. The little 2-year old, Sophie, is in love with Keith so she was easy but the baby, Scarlett, was a little tougher. She wouldn't take a bottle and she was so tired. We didn't know what to do with her, poor little girl! We both kept taking turns holding her and trying to get her to take a nap (we got her tummy full with these little yogurt bites). I change her diaper and wow I am not good at that, I put it on so loose that I couldn't get her jammies snapped back up...oops! But we had a lot of fun! After I went and helped some other friends from the Branch with their kids' birthday party. They had these clowns come and they did such an amazing job! They did magic tricks, face painting, a balloonist, and crafts. It was a pretty amazing party.

Last week it was the coldest week we've experienced since moving here. It was horrible! Not only did it not get to positive temperatures for almost 3 days, the wind chill made it super cold. The coldest "real feel" that I saw on my phone was -31...I am ready to move somewhere warm or become a snow bird (summers are pretty nice around here). Today we had another semi-snow day which is the second I've seen. I do enjoy the snow a lot more than the frigid temperatures, but honestly, I cannot wait until spring!

Next week we are going to Utah for 6 days and are very excited to see family and friends. We are trying to fit so much in such a little amount of time, I feel like we'd have to stay a month to get all we want to do in. Okay, not really...but it would be nice. Anyway, here are some pictures from my birthday and Christmas. Enjoy!